Wife says husband has to ‘get over’ his mother’s death – and people agree

A woman took to Reddit to ask users for advice on how to help her grieving husband while repairing her ‘failed marriage’ while admitting she’s ‘burned out’.

Woman sitting on sofa and looking at desperate man

A woman who bluntly told her husband to get over his mother’s death has divided opinion online.

In a post on Redditone woman said her husband Andy’s mother died in a car accident and that he was really struggling to cope with her loss as he was “super close” to her.

She said: “He developed a really bad depression. I tried my best to stay strong for him and offer comfort whenever he needed it, but it was so hard being his emotional crutch. Andy stayed home all day, quit his job and barely looked after me, I had to pay all the bills.

“I soon realized that our relationship was dying. The intimacy was long gone and Andy rarely spoke to me.”

Hoping to save her marriage and her husband, she recommended he see a therapist – but he said no.

“It broke my heart to see the man I love fall to pieces.”

He’s really struggling with the loss of his mother


(Getty Images)

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One day, coming home from a bad day at work, she noticed that where her husband was sitting on the couch there was garbage.

When she asked him to clean it up, he said no.

“Something just snapped inside me and I screamed, ‘I think it’s about time you got over your mother!’ Andy looked at me like I was crazy and said, ‘How can you say something like that? My mom isn’t like some fucking ex, it’s my mom. And she’s dead.’ I apologized but told him to take care of himself – no job, depressed, throwing his life and relationship with his wife away,” she wrote.

“He said, ‘It’s already hard, don’t make it harder. I don’t need you at the hardest point of my life!’ I tried to get my point across but he suddenly got mad — he called me a ‘f**king b**ch’ and then left.”

She admitted she didn’t like what she said about his mother, but that she was “burned out” and didn’t know what to do with their troubled relationship.

Reddit users were quick to share their thoughts in the comments, with the majority defending them.

One person said: “What you said was inappropriate because of the wording and it made you feel drained and overly emotional. Despite this, this man has refused to engage in activities to help him heal from his loss, which makes every aspect of your relationship with him fall to you.

“Of course you’re tired, of course you’re burned out. You are his wife, not his maid, cook, breadwinner, bill payer, therapist or any of the other duties you have taken on.

“You’re not the only person who needs to steer your relationship in the right direction, either. If it were me, I would make tentative financial plans to end the marriage and be ready to go.”

Another bravely shared his own struggle with grief, saying: “I unexpectedly lost my mother last year. It’s STILL hard. Every day.

“Grief is hard. It’s really uncomfortable for others to see your grief, to stare at it every day while you struggle through it.

“My husband was my rock. He was my voice when I couldn’t bear to talk to people on Mother’s Day, her birthday, my birthday. He was my shoulder when I cry, and my ear when I just need to let it go.

“But he is NOT collateral damage. He still deserves to be loved and respected and treated like the rock star that he is. No amount of grief would excuse my being terrible to him.

“I can choose how much I want To suffer . I can get up and prepare food, take care of my child, my husband, my job, myself.”

And a third commented: “What [original poster] What has been said is just exaggerated enough to suffice on its own [you’re the a**hole] Status. Sure, the husband has to accept help, sure, etc. But gosh, that’s such a profoundly awful thing to say to someone in grief.

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