Woman worried she should stop dating 32-year-old man after learning he still lives with his mother
An anonymous woman has reached out to Mumsnet to ask if she is being shallow about condemning a man she is dating for still living at home with his mother at the age of 32
Image: Getty Images)
When you are past a certain age, there is an assumption that when you meet someone, they will probably no longer live at home with their parents.
Whether that bothers you or not is another story entirely, and that’s why this woman got used to it mom net – asking for advice on what to do.
She expressed concern that the man she was dating still lives with his parents – having lived independently her entire adult life, she was a bit worried they might be too different for it to work.
She wrote: “So recently I met a man who is amazing but I’m not worried he still lives with his parents (he never moved). He says the reason is to save for a house (but only has 10,000 in savings) and makes 25,000 a year.
“Since I was 18 (now 28) I have lived alone and managed to save over 20,000 while paying rent. I don’t want to be superficial, but finances are important.
“Also, I worry about differences in maturity. What do you think?”
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The reaction to her mystery was incredibly mixed, with some saying she might as well go out with him and see what happens, but others had the completely opposite reaction.
Reactions included “run like the wind” and “oh god no”.
Others were less hasty, writing: “Their relationship is new. Maybe too early to worry about finances?
“If I were you, would I be worried that his mother would do anything for him and have that expectation of you?
“Over time you get to know him better & his attitude towards saving & money. Keep your antenna up and go with your gut.
“Don’t move in with him too early. It might be nice to “play house” for a while, but maybe he’s expecting a mother surrogate? That would be very hard work.”
Another wrote that maybe he’d just enjoy being looked after by his parents — whether she thinks it’s personal or not.
They commented: “Hmmmm sounds like a path of least resistance because if saving for a comfortable house ground was real it would be concentrated and have 10,000+.
“If he’s at 25,000 and likely has decent disposable income since he’s at home, he would have had more than that over the years if that was the real main reason.
“So, in my opinion, something else is happening. Maybe it’s easy and he’s a male kid, maybe his parents need a lot of support, maybe he’s emotionally involved… Who knows, but I don’t think you know the whole story and anyone can look amazing when they don’t is really having to grow up.”
The original poster responded to this comment by saying: “He seems to be doing a lot around the house and getting his way – just doesn’t contribute financially. I’m also a bit concerned that his parents are against my stay (they are religious).”
One defended the man, writing: “Many more people are living with their parents into their 20s and 30s because of the difficulty of buying a house when single.
The main thing would be if he acts as an independent adult while living at home. Does he do his share of the housework and has his own life and responsibilities, or does his mother still wash his pants and cook him dinner every night?”
“Then by the time he’s 32, he really should have a lot more savings. By the time he was 22, he’d been saving the equivalent of a grand a year without breaking the bank. It’s not great. Don’t have it with you all the time, don’t contribute to meals, bills, etc. You see a lot of them here. Be careful, that’s all I’m saying,” advised one.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/woman-worried-should-stop-dating-27069675 Woman worried she should stop dating 32-year-old man after learning he still lives with his mother